10 Haikus About Motherhood

Here’s how I feel today: pfffttttttt.

So I wrote haikus.

I don’t know why those things go together, but they do.

Without further ado, here are:

10 Haikus About Motherhood

Got Out of Bed Late
Got out of bed late.
Big surprise. By which I mean,
No surprise at all.

Spilled Coffee
Spilled coffee on my
shirt on my way to work this
morning. Normal day.

My Kids Yell
My kids yell and yell
And yell and yell and yell and
Yell and yell and yell.

My Dog Licks Balls
My dog likes to lick.
Especially balls. My dog
Is a Ball Licker.

Potato chips break.
They’re fragile. Brittle. Crumbly.
Shrapnel everywhere.

Potato shrapnel
In my bed, on my couch, in
The carpet. Shards hurt.

I’d Like to Poop Alone
I’d like to poop a-
lone. I’d like to poop alone.
Lonely poop sounds nice.

Boys Pee on Things
Boys pee on things like
grass and trees and walls and floors,
bees and leaves and me.

Not quite menopause, but FUN!
Night sweats are sex-ay.

I’m a Tired Mom
I’m a tired mom.
That’s redundant, isn’t it?
Too tired to count syllables anymore. Pfft.

And here’s one more, as a bonus, not about motherhood, but probably applicable, depending on the kind of day you’re having:

How I Feel About What’s Happening in Our Churches and Our (in)Ability to Love Our Neighbors as Ourselves
Balls, balls, balls, balls, balls,
Balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls.
Fuckity fuck. Balls.

In conclusion,  pfffttttttt.






P.S. Please share your haikus with me, too. A bad haiku LOVES company, friends. It’s what Jesus would do. Pretty sure.

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31 responses to “10 Haikus About Motherhood”

  1. I just started reading your blog. I’m so glad I found it! You’re hilarious.

    p.s. HOW are you like 20 with teenagers??! I have to assume from your picture that you are 20 and have some sort of TARDIS time-travel machine to make this work.

  2. “PMS”

    Sometimes I think
    I shouldn’t be a mother
    I’m not nice enough.

    Long day at work
    My offspring will be cranky
    Why do I do this?

    Beautiful children
    But why do I work at daycare?
    Right. The kids are free.

  3. I lie in his bed
    hear “Why are red eyes creepy?”
    “Go to sleep,” I say.

    No clue to the eyes.
    “Where does this come from?” “YouTube!”
    Friday we’re swimming.

  4. I am sick so sick
    Of being sick and tired
    Of being so sick

    They need me now so
    Shop drink shop give fake
    Need more of me when?

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