10 Haikus About Motherhood

Here’s how I feel today: pfffttttttt.

So I wrote haikus.

I don’t know why those things go together, but they do.

Without further ado, here are:

10 Haikus About Motherhood

Got Out of Bed Late
Got out of bed late.
Big surprise. By which I mean,
No surprise at all.

Spilled Coffee
Spilled coffee on my
shirt on my way to work this
morning. Normal day.

My Kids Yell
My kids yell and yell
And yell and yell and yell and
Yell and yell and yell.

My Dog Licks Balls
My dog likes to lick.
Especially balls. My dog
Is a Ball Licker.

Chips
Potato chips break.
They’re fragile. Brittle. Crumbly.
Shrapnel everywhere.

Potato shrapnel
In my bed, on my couch, in
The carpet. Shards hurt.

I’d Like to Poop Alone
I’d like to poop a-
lone. I’d like to poop alone.
Lonely poop sounds nice.

Boys Pee on Things
Boys pee on things like
grass and trees and walls and floors,
bees and leaves and me.

Perimenopause
Perimenopause.
Not quite menopause, but FUN!
Night sweats are sex-ay.

I’m a Tired Mom
I’m a tired mom.
That’s redundant, isn’t it?
Too tired to count syllables anymore. Pfft.

And here’s one more, as a bonus, not about motherhood, but probably applicable, depending on the kind of day you’re having:

How I Feel About What’s Happening in Our Churches and Our (in)Ability to Love Our Neighbors as Ourselves
Balls, balls, balls, balls, balls,
Balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls.
Fuckity fuck. Balls.

In conclusion,  pfffttttttt.

Love,

Signature

 

 

 

P.S. Please share your haikus with me, too. A bad haiku LOVES company, friends. It’s what Jesus would do. Pretty sure.

ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
31 comments
  1. So much gas that it
    makes me think I could be in
    labor right now, oh!

    Nope it’s just gas, whew
    Two more months to go until
    we are outnumbered.

    Three girls under 5
    Many say we are crazy
    So much love, so much

    Bills and college and
    teenage angst. Hair, cars, boys and
    fear but so much love.

  2. Right now, work or play?
    Doesn’t matter, guilt will come
    Either way I lose.

    Can’t please two beings
    Kids get older, understand
    Still guilt for lost time.

    Job to pay for things
    Sports, outings, braces, fun stuff
    Peace can’t be bought cheap.

    Must find inner peace.
    Humor helps, I thank you Beth
    Do the best you can 🙂

  3. Anxiety bites
    Too many things to decide
    Go the fuck away.

  4. Don’t poke each other
    with sticks or toys or fingers,
    like, as in, do NOT.

    There are ten rooms in
    this big house, there is no need
    to invade his space.

    Seriously, please
    find something else to do now
    nobody wants this.

    1. This is what made me laugh when I heard the mom in the library telling her daughter to stop following her brother around bugging him. I so knew that situation!

  5. Don’t remember the rules of Haiku, but here goes:

    At the doctor’s
    Where I once again bring my severely depressed daughter
    I can read all about the WALKING DEAD!

  6. oh. my. g. you are effing brilliant. and I’m not good at haiku.

  7. Not do with motherhood but losing weight. Don’t know which is harder…

    Water oh water
    So much to drink in a day
    Why can’t you be wine?

  8. Not to do with motherhood but with weight loss. I don’t know which is harder…

    Water oh water
    So much to drink in a day
    Why can’t you be wine?

  9. You said you were full
    It’s been only 5 seconds
    Then you ask for snacks

    The answer is plain
    I have said it many times
    No. No fucking way.

    If you were starving
    You would have eaten your lunch
    Stop crying. No sweets.

  10. Just leave me alone
    I want to watch my movie in peace
    No more fucking questions

  11. Inertia princess
    Perhaps tomorrow I’ll do
    Ain’t gonna happen

  12. Sick of kids and dogs
    Please stop eff-ing barking
    Just want to sleep now

  13. Sick of kids and dogs
    Please stop your eff-ing barking
    Just want to sleep now

  14. Ooh, one more:

    Sleep Learning

    I love you, Eva girl.
    Mommy will always come back.
    (Go the f**k to sleep!)

  15. Hey Beth!

    Haters gonna hate.
    Jesus would like your humour.
    I think you’re awesome.

  16. Blogger daughter nuts
    Now awaiting what comes next
    Fear and laughter mixed.

  17. I am too tired to come up with a haiku right now but, gosh do I love you! I hope you know just how much your posts mean to some of us!

  18. Vacumming sucks. Ha!
    Get it? Sucks, like really sucks?
    But mostly it sucks.

  19. TOMORROW NO SCREENS!
    7 am. “Mom, please get up.”
    Nah, go watch movies.

  20. Mom at library:
    “Stop following me and brother!
    You guys keep fighting!”

    I know what happens
    next. She keeps following.
    “No! Go over there!

    I smile to myself.
    Today it’s you. Tomorrow
    It’s me and my kids.

  21. I am a bad mom
    By which I mean my kids scream
    Screaming kids in bed.

    My guilt does not see
    How hard I strive to love them
    Screaming kids, bad mom.

  22. She threw up today.
    All over Grandma’s bathrobe.
    Such a small, sweet child!

  23. Daycare Hazards

    Angry red eyeball.
    Contact shines effervescent –
    next time check for soap.

  24. Baked cupcakes today
    Baked my own birthday cupcakes
    Nobody else will

    Will eat for breakfast
    for my birthday tomorrow
    Just because I can

  25. Girls screaming. I sit.
    Beer in hand I wait for them
    5 SOS is the cause

    My Cool mom problems
    Road trips, crying girls, the Vamps
    It’s worth it all, right?!

    Now I sit at bar,
    not the concert, while I fund
    Making memories.

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