Here’s how I feel today: pfffttttttt.
So I wrote haikus.
I don’t know why those things go together, but they do.
Without further ado, here are:
10 Haikus About Motherhood
Got Out of Bed Late
Got out of bed late.
Big surprise. By which I mean,
No surprise at all.
Spilled Coffee
Spilled coffee on my
shirt on my way to work this
morning. Normal day.
My Kids Yell
My kids yell and yell
And yell and yell and yell and
Yell and yell and yell.
My Dog Licks Balls
My dog likes to lick.
Especially balls. My dog
Is a Ball Licker.
Chips
Potato chips break.
They’re fragile. Brittle. Crumbly.
Shrapnel everywhere.
Potato shrapnel
In my bed, on my couch, in
The carpet. Shards hurt.
I’d Like to Poop Alone
I’d like to poop a-
lone. I’d like to poop alone.
Lonely poop sounds nice.
Boys Pee on Things
Boys pee on things like
grass and trees and walls and floors,
bees and leaves and me.
Perimenopause
Perimenopause.
Not quite menopause, but FUN!
Night sweats are sex-ay.
I’m a Tired Mom
I’m a tired mom.
That’s redundant, isn’t it?
Too tired to count syllables anymore. Pfft.
And here’s one more, as a bonus, not about motherhood, but probably applicable, depending on the kind of day you’re having:
How I Feel About What’s Happening in Our Churches and Our (in)Ability to Love Our Neighbors as Ourselves
Balls, balls, balls, balls, balls,
Balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls.
Fuckity fuck. Balls.
In conclusion, pfffttttttt.
Love,
P.S. Please share your haikus with me, too. A bad haiku LOVES company, friends. It’s what Jesus would do. Pretty sure.
So much gas that it
makes me think I could be in
labor right now, oh!
Nope it’s just gas, whew
Two more months to go until
we are outnumbered.
Three girls under 5
Many say we are crazy
So much love, so much
Bills and college and
teenage angst. Hair, cars, boys and
fear but so much love.
Right now, work or play?
Doesn’t matter, guilt will come
Either way I lose.
Can’t please two beings
Kids get older, understand
Still guilt for lost time.
Job to pay for things
Sports, outings, braces, fun stuff
Peace can’t be bought cheap.
Must find inner peace.
Humor helps, I thank you Beth
Do the best you can 🙂
Anxiety bites
Too many things to decide
Go the fuck away.
Don’t poke each other
with sticks or toys or fingers,
like, as in, do NOT.
There are ten rooms in
this big house, there is no need
to invade his space.
Seriously, please
find something else to do now
nobody wants this.
This is what made me laugh when I heard the mom in the library telling her daughter to stop following her brother around bugging him. I so knew that situation!
Don’t remember the rules of Haiku, but here goes:
At the doctor’s
Where I once again bring my severely depressed daughter
I can read all about the WALKING DEAD!
oh. my. g. you are effing brilliant. and I’m not good at haiku.
Not do with motherhood but losing weight. Don’t know which is harder…
Water oh water
So much to drink in a day
Why can’t you be wine?
Not to do with motherhood but with weight loss. I don’t know which is harder…
Water oh water
So much to drink in a day
Why can’t you be wine?
You said you were full
It’s been only 5 seconds
Then you ask for snacks
The answer is plain
I have said it many times
No. No fucking way.
If you were starving
You would have eaten your lunch
Stop crying. No sweets.
Just leave me alone
I want to watch my movie in peace
No more fucking questions
Inertia princess
Perhaps tomorrow I’ll do
Ain’t gonna happen
Sick of kids and dogs
Please stop eff-ing barking
Just want to sleep now
Sick of kids and dogs
Please stop your eff-ing barking
Just want to sleep now
Ooh, one more:
Sleep Learning
I love you, Eva girl.
Mommy will always come back.
(Go the f**k to sleep!)
Hey Beth!
Haters gonna hate.
Jesus would like your humour.
I think you’re awesome.
Blogger daughter nuts
Now awaiting what comes next
Fear and laughter mixed.
I am too tired to come up with a haiku right now but, gosh do I love you! I hope you know just how much your posts mean to some of us!
Vacumming sucks. Ha!
Get it? Sucks, like really sucks?
But mostly it sucks.
TOMORROW NO SCREENS!
7 am. “Mom, please get up.”
Nah, go watch movies.
Mom at library:
“Stop following me and brother!
You guys keep fighting!”
I know what happens
next. She keeps following.
“No! Go over there!
I smile to myself.
Today it’s you. Tomorrow
It’s me and my kids.
I am a bad mom
By which I mean my kids scream
Screaming kids in bed.
My guilt does not see
How hard I strive to love them
Screaming kids, bad mom.
She threw up today.
All over Grandma’s bathrobe.
Such a small, sweet child!
Daycare Hazards
Angry red eyeball.
Contact shines effervescent –
next time check for soap.
Baked cupcakes today
Baked my own birthday cupcakes
Nobody else will
Will eat for breakfast
for my birthday tomorrow
Just because I can
Girls screaming. I sit.
Beer in hand I wait for them
5 SOS is the cause
My Cool mom problems
Road trips, crying girls, the Vamps
It’s worth it all, right?!
Now I sit at bar,
not the concert, while I fund
Making memories.