Candid Selfies! The Hottest(ish) New Selfie Trend and How YOU Can Master It.

You know how sometimes you’ve turned your phone camera around so you can take a selfie BECAUSE SELFIES ARE RAD (and also so you can send a picture to a friend of the dot of probable chin cancer that has recently appeared so your friend can say, “Oh my gosh, Beth. You are SUCH A FREAKING FREAKER; it’s a ZIT”), but then your kid starts crying because his brother punched him in the penis because he stole all the Minecraft diamonds again, and you’re all, “HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THERE IS NO PENIS PUNCHING IN THIS FAMILY” and “PENISES ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN DIAMONDS, YOU GUYS,” and then they gang up on you because they both want to argue that Penis Punching is OK when they’re playing the Penis Punching Game, and it’s the Stealth and/or Punitive Penis Punching that’s not OK, and you wonder how No Penis Punching became an item open for debate and when, exactly, you started ranking penises and diamonds in order of importance, but while you’re pondering that, another kid reminds you you’re late to take them to school so you start yelling, “GET IN THE CAR, GET IN THE CAR, GET IN THE CAR,” and they DO get in the car which is unusual and AWESOME, but they argue over who gets to sit where which isn’t unusual at all, and while you’re trying unsuccessfully to convince them All Seats Were Created Equal and We Believe In Equality Around Here so SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN, you see your neighbor trying to get her kid into her car, and she stops and grimaces at you with barely contained fury and laser beams coming out her eyes and offers her kid to you at a brand new low, low price because her kid is driving her straight up the wall and to the left, and she’s pretty sure selling her daughter is a better alternative than the double murder they’d clearly both like to commit, so you chuckle to yourself while you drive away because OH MY GOSH, YES, you’ve been there; you look around as you’re driving, and, although you’re pretty sure you’ve forgotten something at home, you appear to have all the children and your pants, so you proceed as planned and drop the kids off and make your way to work, but coming over the hill you see a gorgeous view of the mountain so you pull over to take a picture and when you turn your camera on, instead of seeing the mountain through the lens, you see yourself because you forgot you had the view flipped to selfie-mode earlier; of course, it’s not your usual selfie-self you see with its pre-planned, flattering selfie angles and nice lighting, nor is it your is-this-a-dot-of-cancer?-self; nope… it’s your SELF self — as in, your CANDID self that you see in that reflection — and you’re all, “OH Mah GAH. I look like WHAT?”

You know how sometimes that’s a thing? When you’re genuinely startled by your own face?

Me, too.

So I was thinking about that, and about how AWESOME it is when we get to see our candid selves, and how Candid Selfies should TOTALLY be a thing. Which is why I’m writing to you today. Because this is an issue of eternal significance.

We LOVE candid photos, after all. Small children running through fields of grass at sunset. Grandma with her head thrown back in laughter. And we LOVE selfies. It’s only natural that Candid Selfies are the next, best photo trend, yes? YES. Obviously.

Of course, a candid photo is one taken when the subject isn’t aware it’s being captured, which may seem challenging when the photographer and the subject are the same person. NOT SO, friends. Not so. I did some experimenting for us, and I’m here to tell you, THIS ISN’T AS HARD AS IT SEEMS. All you have to do, really, is set your camera to selfie-mode and then — this is the slightly tricky part — forget you did it. Granted, it helps if you’ve practiced forgetting things in the past, but, with discipline and focus, it is achievable, and, not to brag, but I’ve truly honed this skill over the years. I’ve forgotten my kid’s graduation; I forgot what time school started for an entire semester; and I once forgot my own pants. So I’m, like, super good at this already, but, most importantly, I believe you can be, too.

For INCREDIBLE Candid Selfies, there are just four easy steps to follow:

  1. Set your camera to selfie-mode.
  2. Forget you set your camera to selfie-mode.
  3. When you turn your camera back on and you’re startled by your own face, FREEZE. Freeze that face. Freeze that angle.
  4. Click the shot.

After you see the amazing shots I took of myself without me knowing, I’m certain you’ll want to join the trend. Here, for example, are just a few of my favorites of me, me, and also me:

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I know, right?!? I look AWESOME.

I mean, sure, we can take the usual selfies still. The ones with the good lighting. The posed shots with the camera angled down to eliminate most of the chins. The photos just the slighest bit prearranged so our asymmetrical nostrils aren’t showcased and our chin cancer is erased. After all, there’s nothing wrong with a classic, friends.

But who wants to look like this…

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… when, with a little extra effort, you can look like this?

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RIGHT?!?

 

Right.

Now who’s in?

 

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
15 comments
  1. I don’t know HOW I missed this post…but honestly, this is amazing!! Today I stepped out of my house for the first time in 4 days!! I haven’t even gone to the mailbox…and did I bother with makeup and hair and all that? NOPE! I just threw on the nearest pair of yoga pants with a sweatshirt and headed to the market…I should probably turn my phone on selfie mode and pick it up sometime after I finish working…I’m sure I don’t know anyone in my regular life willing to participate in your BEAUTIFUL new trend, but I’m in…with both feet and my yoga pants!

  2. Thank you Dear God that I do NOT have a phone that is capable of taking pictures!!! Candid selfies of me would be much too scary.

  3. So IN! I’ve never taken selfies because the lighting is always wrong and somehow I don’t look the way I thought I look, ever! Yep, there are those girls that no matter what they’re doing they look cute, even covered in mud. I’m not one of those girls. Oh well! My husband and my boys love me just the way I am and that’s why I’m keeping them. However, I have had those days that I’d gladly sell my boys for a nap, or chocolate, or watching a movie that doesn’t include cartoons, or to just have someone else responsible for them. Thankfully those days aren’t as numerous as they used to be 🙂 Waving in the dark to all those who are having one of those days today!

  4. I have actually done this. Because I am really good at forgetting things. It wasn’t pretty.

  5. oh man. that was some great stuff. wipes tears of mirth from eyes..

  6. My husband and I had the bright idea to take selfies of ourselves while lying on our bed….just of our heads I hasten to add…cause we really are that young and cool.Oh sweet mama…take my advice people,NEVER take a selfie while lying down,our heads looked like big splodgy spread out pancakes with beady eyes,it was terrifying.We vowed then to stay together forever because our chances of attracting anyone else are slim to none to minus zero 🙂

  7. In. So, so in. Yesterday I took the kids to the aquarium and stopped to pose with them in front of the shark tank, using the front face camera. My girls looked beautiful! My boy looked suave and debonaire! Even the big shark was in perfect position! And I, mom, looked like one the sea slugs. For reals. I thought, “surely I haven’t looked like this all day! Let’s try another!” And another. And another. And each time the kids looked happy and sweet and mom looked lumpy and splotchy and… ew. So, naturally, I deleted every one. Even before reading your post, I’ve been thinking about those pictures, and how I should’ve just kept them, for my kids’ sake. They see me everyday, and, to my knowledge, aren’t even acutely aware of what I think are my imperfections, but do know they have the cool mom who takes them fun places after school and substitutes dinner for ice cream cones on occasion. What I’m saying is, I’m on board with the candid selfies, if for nothing else but a memory and a laugh.

  8. I am startled by my face all the time- mirror & selfie camera. I use the selfie camera to get my kids to actually smile for pictures. Cause who would just smile when Momma asks you to?
    I am in to capture the candid selfie. 🙂

  9. I needed a beverage warning for ranking penises and diamonds! I’ll be cleaning birch beer out of my keyboard for a week! >.<

  10. I’m having the terriblest of days (luckily, I know that you will forgive my made up word there and understand it’s the only one that fits right now). So this was just what I needed– something to make me actually smile and laugh at least once today. Thanks!

    1. Terriblest IS a word. I’m pretty sure it is!

  11. I’m so in!

  12. “There is no Penis Punching in this family!”

  13. My cat is stretched out sleeping on my lap, and he does not appreciate all of the jiggling he is experiencing because I am laughing so hard!

  14. I scare myself all the time. Never occurred to me to take the shot! I have started taking selfies with unicorns and mermaids and texting them to my 18 year old daughter. She now has them ALL over her dorm room. 30 photos of me in her dorm room! That’s some momma love. Of course I do look like an idiot in all of them. So, I am in. A new fun trend!

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