I keep waiting to write you until I have time to write something helpful or important or, at the very least, thoughtful, but that’s not happening this week, so I’m going to write to you to be needy. That’s what I seem to have right now. They always say, “Write what you know.” Well, being needy, friends; that’s what I know, so here we go.
I’m having a minor crisis at the moment, and it’s your fault. Not that I’m all about placing blame, but, seriously, you’re going to have to take responsibility for this one. ALSO, while my personal crisis may be minor, you’ve created a major crisis for someone else, and I thought you should know. Two someone elses, actually, and since it’s not OK to let major crises fester when you have the power to alleviate the harm you’ve (albeit unintentionally) caused, I say you get right on this situation. STAT.
Yes. I’m glad we agree.
Here’s the situation:
You told me to read the Time Traveler’s Wife.
That’s the whole situation.
I TOLD you I can’t read things that are dark, tragic, sad, thoughtful or, God forbid, triumphant, and then you told me to read the Time Traveler’s Wife ANYWAY.
Trust us, you said.
You’ll be glad, you said.
I would not say it’s triumphant, Katie said.
You can do it; you are a Brave Girl, said Heidi.
But I am pretty sure I can NOT do it, and I am NOT a Brave Girl.
I’m pretty sure because I’ve sort of tried.
I bought the book, and then I read half of it. A WHOLE HALF of the Time Traveler’s Wife, and I’m starting to suspect it’s tragic and triumphant. There’s an orchard and a father and brother with guns, and a Henry who tells young Claire not to worry, and a later SIGNIFICANT LOOK between the men around the dinner table. GAH! It’s like a glowing neon sign at the 50% mark, flashing DANGER! DANGER! GO BACK!
I wrote to Katie and Heidi, and also Sarah who agreed with them, and I said, “The Time Traveler’s Wife was totally engaging. And then I quit halfway through, overcome with dread at the foreshadowing of Something Terrible to Come. You guys. Seriously. I AM BROKEN. Complete anxiety. I love the characters so I’ve left them suspended half way through the book LEST SOMETHING HORRIBLE OVERTAKE THEM. I wish I could just read the end of a book when I become fearful, but then, of course, the Awful Thing Still Befalls Them, and I can’t take that risk. Have you ever read the Sesame Street book The Monster at the End of the Book where Grover selflessly does everything in his power to prevent the end of the book from coming? I AM GROVER. I am tying and gluing and locking ALL THE PAGES together. And sticking my fingers in my ears singing LALALA. I just thought you should know…”
So here we are, in the middle of my minor crisis and Henry and Claire’s VERY MAJOR crisis; we are, all three, STUCK in the middle of this book, and there are people who might DIE. I can’t, you guys. And please do not try to tell me that Henry and Claire’s crisis doesn’t count simply because they’re fictional. Characters are only fictional until they become real. Anyone who’s read The Velveteen Rabbit knows that’s so. And Henry and Claire became real when you forcibly held me down, propped my eyes open with toothpicks, and compelled me to begin reading, thus caring about what happens to them.
Frankly, you were not all that helpful in your responses.
“My unsolicited advice is to leave it groverized until you are in need of a good, fugly cry. I could barely read the words through the tears and snooger bubbles. AND THEN it had the nerve to follow me around for a week-long emotional hangover. (But, really, it’s great),” wrote Jaime. <– NO. No. THESE THINGS DO NOT MATCH, JAIME. It’s like you think I’m a NORMAL HUMAN who feels feelings and doesn’t try to alternately shove them deep, deep down inside where they will rot and eventually explode or eat enormous amounts of sugar and salt to numb myself. Are you even American, Jaime? I suspect not.
And Sarah wrote, “YOU HAVE TO FINISH!! It is beautifully tragic and hopeful all at the same time! It’s seriously not all terrible.” I’m sorry, but WHAT? WHAT, Sarah? Beautifully tragic and hopeful is ALL OF LIFE. It is not, however, reading we do for FUN. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
So I’m throwing this out there to ALL of you who’ve read The Time Traveler’s Wife with this one question:
Should I keep reading The Time Traveler’s Wife??
‘Cause I’m willing to allow for the teeny, tiny, remote possibility that you’re right and I’m wrong and that I might also be a freaking freaker who should calm the hell down and finish the damn book already. It’s just… I’m scared.
Leave me your recommendation — to read or not to read — in the comments, but no spoilers please, in case I do summon heretofore unknown reserves of reading courage.
Yours truly (and anxiously),
P.S. I sort of misled you with my opening paragraph. I do, actually, have time to write one thing that may be helpful. My bathroom, as you may know, smells like boy humans use it. This week, I tried to mask the smell with a mulberry candle, and it worked, folks. It WORKED. Now instead of my bathroom smelling like pee, it smells like mulberry candle and pee, proving once again that we do not live a life of Either/Or, friends, but of Both/And. Both mulberry candle AND pee. #SmellsLikeLife #ForTheWin
P.P.S. I just realized the cover of the Time Traveler’s Wife says, “A soaring celebration of the victory of love over time.” OH MY WORD, you guys. That’s, like, textbook triumphant.
41 responses to “Have you read The Time Traveler’s Wife? If yes, HELP.”
Go to Petsmart. Get the pet stain and odor remover, the kind with enzymes or friendly bacteria in it. It is one of the best uses for $16 when you have small humans who pee beside the toilet, vomit, and wet the bed. I have saved mattresses and rugs with this. I spray it around the toilet where boy child has discovered the joys of peeing standing up. Oh, and if you have company coming, and All The Laundry won’t fit in the machine to hide, you can spray the pile of laundry with this stuff and at least the place won’t stink of sweaty socks and pee laundry. #lifehacks. you’re welcome.
I loved it. It’s both/and.
Dear, Sweet, Adorable Beth – God love you! I loved TTTW book, but I applaud your strength to avoid the ending. Stick to your guns on that one. Oh, and DO NOT read ME BEFORE YOU. Or watch that movie. Okay? Steer clear.
Oh, and have you heard of this amazing bathroom spray called Poo-Pourri toilet spray? I’ve heard good things…
I totally get if you decide not to read it. Henry and Claire will be ok, too. I read it and LOVED it, back in the day (like, 2006). And then I tried to read it shortly after my daughter was born, when strong feelings were too hard for me, and I only made it about 20 pages before giving up. I’m (mostly) off of the PPD ride by now but I still don’t know if I could read it. That being said, I still remember it as one of my favorite books ever… so be brave if you can because it’s worth it, but maybe save it for when you can drink wine and devour it in one evening and not prolong the anxiety.
I say just read the last chapter. Then you end my leave them hanging but you still get closure. This is the exact opposite of th real-life need to feel all the feelings, and see things through so you have emotIonal health, and all that jazz. Also, I don’t read much fiction for many of your same reasons. Real feelings are myriad, I don’t need to add more based on people who don’t exist!
Also, I have no idea what my phone thought I was trying to say about not leaving anyone hanging, but you get the gist. I hope.