Twinsie Pics: How I Duplicated My Daughter’s Instagram Feed, Part Deux

or, alternatively titled,
How I Ended Up Topless in Hawaii…
on Not-a-Topless Beach

I’m really not to blame here. 

Hawaii’s to blame.

After all, I have terrible ideas and am historically irresponsible. A quick search of the internet by Hawaii would have revealed this and more. So the fact that Hawaii failed to avail itself of a simple online background check before allowing me on her beaches demonstrates negligence on her part, and everyone knows negligence = culpability.

Therefore, it’s Hawaii’s fault.

I think we can all agree.

It started innocently enough, as it always does.

I was visiting my daughter who’s at college in Hawaii.

I do this on occasion because I’m an excellent mother who cares about her kid’s wellbeing. I do this so I can cook Abby a few well-balanced meals. I do this because I am generous, kind, and involved, and it has nothing to do with the fact that she picked Hawaii for school, where she lives in a condo with a rather lovely pool close to the beach.

I’m certain I’d visit just as often if she’d gone to school in Saskatchewan. 

So I was visiting my kid, and we decided to take a few mother/daughter twinsie pics. You know; twinsie pics… where you take photos together and see if people can tell you apart. 

We’ve been doing this for a few years now, ever since Abby wanted to take a dance photo — accomplished dancer that she is — in a Japanese garden. 

She wanted the photo, but she was too embarrassed.

I told her it’s OK to be embarrassed. I’d be embarrassed, too, if I had a mom like me who’s an even better dancer than her. I mean, that’s got to be hard for her, you know? To have a mom who’s so young, beautiful, and athletically gifted? Hard row to hoe right there, with me as a mama. 

But Abby expressed skepticism about my dancing prowess. I assured her I’m an excellent dancer. She told me to prove it. I did, and that’s the way our twinsie pics were born. Just like this:

(I’m the one on the right.)

Since then, we’ve taken dozens more

(I’m on the right again.)

(Right.)

(Right.)

(Right.)

(Right.)

(Left.)
(HA! Switched it up on you. Bet you didn’t see that coming.)

And then last fall, I decided to start duplicating her Instagram feed, because WWJD, amirite?

(I’m on the right.)

(I’m in the middle.)

But in all our efforts, something was missing.

Something was wrong.

Something made it clear we’re not quite exactly alike.

It took me a long time, but I finally figured it out.

MATCHING OUTFITS, friends. We needed matching outfits. Like, duh.

And what better way to match than to wear the EXACT SAME THING?

I really don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. I mean, Abby and I share clothes all the time. Obviously. 

So I asked — and received permission — to wear Abby’s swimsuits this time to duplicate her Insta feed. 

And that’s how I ended up on a public beach in Hawaii dressed like this:

For the sake of ART.

(I’m the second one.)

After all, what’s a little sand in your crack(s) when you’re giving the world a gift of unparalleled beauty?

(Second again.)

What we failed to realize at the time, however, was how precarious that bikini top’s clasp was…

…and how it was under, shall we say, a rather enormous amount of pressure…

…like the current volcano in Hawaii, such that something had to give.

😳😳😳

And give, it did.

^^^(Actual photo of the clasp erupting)^^^

That clasp gave with such force, it flung the top up into my face. 

KABOOM!

My boobies sprang free in the same way Ursula the Sea Witch erupted from her human body,…

…one second tastefully and demurely contained; the next, bursting forth to wreak havoc on the innocent.

Which is how, dear friends, I ended up flashing a Very Public Beach in Hawaii. 

And why Hawaii owes the very sweet young families and lovely older couples there an apology. 

Just thought you’d want to know.

With deep and abiding love,

 

 

 

P.S. Abby is now the proud owner of a brand new black bikini top to replace one destroyed in a terrible and mysterious accident.

P.P.S. More twinsie pics are on their way soon. Cover your eyes.

P.P.P.S. Join my email list at the bottom of this page. You’ll receive blog posts straight to email, as well as other exclusive content, so you won’t ever miss a thing. In fact, as soon as you subscribe, I’ll send you a bonus story, exclusive to email. A sequel, if you will, to The Day I Pooped My Closet. This one is The Day I Peed My Office. Greg says this is more of a threat than an enticement. I say you’re my people; you totally get it.

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
24 comments
  1. Oh Beth! You are a brave & beautiful woman. Your daughter has nothing on you. I will keep comeing back to this post when I need a laugh.

  2. THIS. IS. AMAZING.

    as everything i ever read on here is.

  3. This reminds me of when I took my kids to Disney for that once in a lifetime vacation. We were on the 7 dwarves minetrain when my bra literally exploded off my body. The front clasp disintegrated. I had to go to the dress store to ask if they had a safety pin, which one castmember did. They then gave me a ginormous pin that said “I’m celebrating!” The safety pin blew on splash mountain.

  4. Beth Woolsey: simultaneously making us laugh and removing the power of shame by writing about her life. Thank you.

  5. I wonder when my 13 yo daughter will let me start taking “twinsies!” pix with her…. right now I am so embarrassing. Thanks for giving me goals!

    Also, I only saw 1 ad on the blog, totally fine Greg, it didn’t interrupt my reading and frankly I didn’t notice it until I scrolled up to look for it. 🙂 The writing is so good I lose track of all around me. ♥

  6. I just absolutely adore you. This is amazing.

  7. Finally found my soul site

  8. This kind of cheap clasps should be taken out of production – maybe Hawaii could sue them to help cover their expenses for their apology-making-to-all-the-people?
    You and your family are so brave. You deserve chocolate and trophies and I hope your kids all go to college in Hawaii!
    Also, why don’t you publish a calendar with your pics (with an arrow indicating which one is you) which we could buy to sponsor the blog? (that way, Greg can get rid of all the ads!)

    1. I WOULD PURCHASE THAT CALENDAR. Please include “inspirational” quotes.

  9. I didn’t think I could love you/your blog more….I was wrong ☺️

  10. Good post but… disappointed by the quantity of ads. Been following the blog since the twins were babies and this is new… not good new

    1. I agree. Ad settings are all new to me (I am Beth’s tech support). We haven’t used this style before. I just found where to change the ad frequency and number, hopefully that helps. The goal is to cover the blog expenses, not annoy readers!

  11. laughing out loud. no, really. by myself. in my kitchen.
    thank you and good night.
    (I’ll never look at an erupting volcano again without thinking of your boobs)

  12. I have been following you on FB for years. Oh my… yes, you are among my people.

  13. Oh my God, Beth, I’m so excited you’re sharing these! The anticipation was KILLING ME. The blog update looks very nice, and I had no idea you had one in the works.

    PEOPLE! If you don’t already subscribe to Beth, you really should, because I’ve heard the office pee story, and it is WORTH IT.

  14. I love you so much Beth. And your daughter! Thank you. You have made my night. Now I have to go change my undies… I laughed to hard

  15. Hahahaha! I love SASKATCHEWAN, it’s a wonderful place to live, where I don’t need to worry about eruptions of that sort. Yes, I am your people…so, totally joining your email list, can’t wait for the story…BTW you’re “the closet lady” in my house…hehehehe

  16. I love this. So hard. I’m so glad Hawaii is simply terrible at background checks.

  17. I’m a local Mama in Dundee who came across your page through friends who follows your blog. I too suffer deeply with the mess that is anxiety. 10 years ago, I hid. Ashamed of my demons and what others would think of me if they really knew. Today I’m happy to say, I’ve embraced ME and am learning to be open and free. Reading your blog has also helped me finally see that I’m not the only one fighting this battle, through tears fears and frustration, but more importantly through every ounce of wonderful life love and laughter. You are amazing! Your blog seems to help me lift my head, even on days when I hadn’t even realized the monster was sneaking up on me again. Keep being you, you’re helping soooooo many of us with your powerful real life stories! ❤️

  18. Beth…I love you!

  19. So. Freaking. Awesome.

  20. You are my spirit animal. ❤❤❤

  21. Hahahahaha hahahaha! I needed that. Thank you!

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