Know what the internets need? MORE HOW TO ARTICLES. Because knowing how to do stuff is always better than not knowing. Yes? Yes. Correct. Always.
So here’s a quick tip for y’all.
This is my kid, Abby:
Abby goes to university in Hawaii because Abby is the smartest person I know.
This is my kid’s human:
Chandler also goes to university in Hawaii ‘cause he’s no dummy, either.
Abby dances.
Chandler plays soccer.
He’s the goalie.
Which means he grabs the balls. All the balls. He’s the ball grabber. It’s what he does.
Chandler came to the mainland with his team to play last week.
We went to his game to cheer him on.
So, friends. Here’s how to cheer on a goalie:
Yell, “GRAB THOSE BALLS. GRAB THOSE BALLS. GRAB. THOSE. BALLS.”
Loudly.
And on repeat.
You can yell it as an encouragement to grab the balls.
Or you can yell it as a celebration of the balls just grabbed.
It’s a versatile cheer is what I’m saying.
It goes over especially well when your team is playing on the home field of the opposing team. The opposing fans love it. They chuckle because everybody loves a good ball joke. Everybody. Except the guy who keeps turning around and shaking his head at you like you should be ashamed of yourself. Which forces you to yell it more than you originally planned and at higher volume, but that’s OK. Part of life is about flexibility. About learning to adjust plans on the fly. About knowing when to STEP. IT. UP.
Now you know.
I give and I give.
You’re welcome.
Love,
P.S. My daughter’s human grabs balls. Lots of balls. He grabs them hard. And fast. He’s a fierce, fast ball grabber. So I made him a bumper sticker. 
It’s arriving in the mail this week.
I’m assuming he’ll be putting it in a prominent place so all his friends will see and know how dedicated he really is.
8 responses to “GRAB THOSE BALLS: How to Cheer for Goalies at Soccer Games”
I really wish I could go back in time now to when my nephew played high school soccer. That would just be da bomb. And I’m not sure if I could say it to him now since he’s a middle school teacher specializing in behavior issues…
I’m am 100% more interested in attending soccer games now.
Hey there – just wanted to comment on a possible glitch in your blog layout. When I am on the direct page for this post, and at the bottom of it, just before the comments, I click “previous post” it wants to bring me to the Tidy Homes a la Myquillian post. I got nervous for a sec that a bunch of posts had been deleted, but when I go back to your home page, they are all there.
When I check the same link on “we have to stop saying these things”, it correctly goes to “When bullying is real”. Maybe you are having to manually link the “prev post” each time and this one just wasn’t entered correctly? You’ve written some great stuff lately, and I’d hate for ppl to miss it.
Sending all the love back to you! What you share on your blog means a lot to me! I try to get others to read it all the time. 🙂
This is the best thing I have read all day. You keep doing you. The world needs more of it. xoxo
Oh man, I attended two soccer games yesterday, but didn’t read this until today! What a shame!
(“Attended two soccer games” means as I was leaving work, I noticed that there were games going on in adjoining fields, so I stood in the sunshine for half an hour, diligently watching whichever team was not currently scoring. And since these were middle school games, I teach at the school, and I didn’t actually know any of the goalies, maybe it’s all for the best that I got your advice a day late.)
This is awesome. I always ALWAYS cheered the loudest for my children’s games – and the more it was embarrassing, the louder I cheered. It’s just what I do. And I do it well.
My son loved it –
Someone just recommended your blog, says they idolize you as you are super funny. I go to your website, and the first article title I see and read is Grab Those Balls.
I am home.
Thank you. I didn’t even know that I needed to know this. But now I know.