It’s been quite a month, friends.
Since my last post, Christmas Eve, describing the way our holiday went Not at ALL to Plan, we took another (final) trip to the Emergency Room with my eldest child — the one who tried to lose all her blood — and, well, I’ve been trying to stay afloat ever since.
Good news is, she’s on the mend. Slower than we’d like, but on the mend.
Bad news is, the crisis has passed, so it’s time for my nervous breakdown.
Y’all, I AM SO GOOD IN AN EMERGENCY.
I am Wonder Woman times infinity.
Magic arm braces. An unflagging sprint. Knockers for dayz (and confined in a spectacularly uncomfortable rig.) Flowing locks. Furrowed brow. Srsly, I’m so, SO good.
I’ve found all it takes to rock an emergency, really, is putting one’s feelings on lock-down. In a vault. With chains. And a laser beam grid protecting the perimeter lest one finds oneself tempted to approach them. Then one may operate from a place of pure logic and calm. It may be a teeny, tiny bit Dexter-style psychopathic, but it’s SUPER effective.
Until it isn’t.
Eventually, a crisis ends. Which seems like a nice time to unlock those feelings, assess them, and manage them maturely. To feel the feelings, you know? Which I hear won’t kill you. But I like to keep them on lockdown, instead.
Shoved deep down inside.
To the molten core of the Earth.
Where at some point, they will overheat and explode, causing more damage in the volcanic, erupting inferno than they ever could have had I unpacked them proactively.
It’s a fun game.
You should try it.
All the cool kids are doing it.
So here we are, several weeks past the crisis, and I’m starting to feel the shakes.
It’s a bummer, man.
I’m coping how I usually do. I’m eating my feelings which taste like potato chips and discounted Christmas candy. I’m having occasional moments of clarity and self-compassion. And I’m in full-on hiding mode.
Except I’m not dressed and my room’s not that clean. ^^^
I’m more like this:
Maybe I’ll get dressed tomorrow. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It’s impossible to say.
For now, I’m going to take one deep, incredibly slow breath, and I’m going to use my nice words, even about myself.
More soon, friends.