OK — in an extraordinary feat of patience (aka, not my strongest suit), I’ve been waiting ALMOST A YEAR to share this news with you. The REAL news, instead of the previous *hints* of news. The REVEAL of the Thing We Did. The IF WE’RE GOING TO FAIL, AT LEAST WE’RE GOING TO FAIL BIG announcement.
So here it is:
WE BOUGHT A FARM.
A WHOLE FARM!
Cairns Farm in Newberg, Oregon, in fact, overlooking the Cascade Mountains in the wine country region of the Willamette Valley.
And here are the Most Important Details, in descending order of importance:
1. YOU CAN VISIT. Y’all, this is why we bought a farm. You can read more about our story here on the Cairns Farm website, but the gist is, after losing our church and whole swaths of our community due to our conviction that ALL people deserve to be fully included, affirmed, celebrated, and loved not in spite of who they are, but BECAUSE of who they are, we realized we wanted a space much larger than our individual home to engage in the beautiful, freeing work of welcoming others. Enter: the farm dream and our search for a property that would accommodate a place for folks to gather. That’s it. That’s our grand hope: that our farm will provide a sanctuary, a place to breathe, and a place to play for all comers. I cannot adequately express how excited I am to invite you over.
2. I CAN HAVE ALL THE BABY ANIMALS NOW… MWAHAHAHAHA! Let us pause a moment and say a prayer for Greg who is longsuffering and who promised me a domesticated fox but never delivered for which I shall now get endless revenge.
“Dear Jesus, be with Greg now, in his time of distress and despair. Let him know You are not far from him, and that You — and not the absence of tiny, furry creatures — are from whence True Joy comes. Help him not sprain his eyeballs from rolling them so hard every time we tell him which animals we’re adopting next. In Your Holy Name, Amen.” If you’re not Jesusy, no sweat — please pray to your Higher Power or Send Good Vibes — Greg needs all the help he can get.
So far, we have 10 lady chickens, 6 baby chicks, and, as of yesterday, 4 baby pigs.
Tomorrow, we’re getting the pigs’ mama, who’s likely already pregnant again, and their daddy, too, so we can have infinite baby pigs (aka, bacon seeds) from now until forevermore. Next on the list are goats, perhaps a lone llama, maybe a miniature donkey, definitely a miniature horse because Greg owes me for the time I got him Not a Miniature Horse as a gift, and other animals to be named later.
3. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT BETTY THE STOVE BECAUSE WE’RE NOT MOVING.
I know it’s weird. We bought a farm but we’re not going to live there. We created the Cairns Farm vision and bought the farm with my brother and sister-in-law, Jeff and Kim, who are living there with their three youngest kids because you helped me remodel my kitchen, and there’s no way I’m leaving Betty. Not ever. Also, Jeff and Kim might be living at the farm for their own farm-loving reasons and not just because Betty and I are True Love Always and Must Not Be Separated. But whatever. They have their reasons; I have mine. Let’s not get judgy about whose reasons are better.
4. I’M SOMETIMES WRITING THESE DAYS ON THE CAIRNS FARM BLOG, TOO, and I’d love to see you there. You can follow us at CairnsFarm.com, @CairnsFarm on Facebook, and @Cairns_Farm on Instagram. The website is brand new and evolving as we go, but there’s a LOT more information over there, as well as ways to follow our progress on projects like renovating the century old farmhouse. Do join us!
In conclusion, and long story short (too late), we bought a farm. You should come visit and bring your people. Greg and I live 10 minutes away with a dog Greg didn’t want, two cats which is actually one cat if you do the math correctly, and a new baby bunny named Niffler we had no choice but to buy because Greg forbid it. And now we get to have All the Farm Animals, too, which is, as Michael Scott would say, a Win/Win/Win, which is different than a mere Win/Win because everybody wins. Even Greg. He just doesn’t know it yet.
With Love… and waving in the dark,
P.S. We’re targeting June or July as our Grand Opening month for Cairns Farm — LOTS of work ahead for us! — but our 3-acre Wood is already available for recreational games and LASER TAG if you’re looking for something fun to do with friends or family. You can check out the Cairns Farm website for more info or contact us by email at email@example.com. Be sure to say Beth sent you! Mostly because I think it’ll be funny when I get messages that say I sent you to me. 😉
P.P.S. In addition to day-long rentals of Cairns Farm, we’re looking to offer educational workshops. You know, stuff like How to Forage for Cocktail Fixin’s. And Baby Pig Cuddling. And Lay in the Big Field, Watch the Clouds, and Breathe. Weird workshops, in other words, that make us laugh and rest and find peace — at least for a while — in our weary souls. Stay tuned for more!