How to Apologize to Your Wife When You’ve Wronged Her in Her Dreams

If you don’t know why Greg had to apologize to me, read this first. Once you understand the Horrible, Horrible Things He Did, you can read his apology below. I thought this might be instructive for those of you who have wives and need to know how to apologize for the Ways You’ve Wronged Them. You’re welcome.






Dear Beth,

Eating your birthday cake without asking was thoughtless and cruel.  It was not the last scrap of food in the house, and if it were, I have a key to the neighbor’s.  I’m sorry I did not think before I acted, and ruined your three-day labor of love.  

Shifting your birthday from October to January is hard for me too, but that’s no excuse when the cake says “Happy Birthday Beth” right there in pink icing.  Please forgive me, once again.

Also, that cherry tree is both our responsibility, even though I was against it in the beginning.  I could have picked up the pruning shears as well, rather than quietly feeling smug and vindicated by its increasing presence as a barrier to both our door and our marriage.  Had I helped maintain it properly the frog spider never would have made it’s home there in the first place.
If you are willing to move past this with me, I promise to change, but not until tomorrow.  I’ll greet you every morning with “I’m sorry” instead of “good morning” from now on.
1. Greg took responsibility.
2. He explained but he did not excuse his Heinous Behavior.
3. He thought through alternative behaviors and outlined What He’d Do Differently Next Time (i.e. steal food from the neighbor.)
4. He showed understanding for the way this affected me and noted how Thoughtless and Cruel he was. 
5. He did not continue to hold our indoor cherry orchard against me, even though he wasn’t for it in the beginning. <— KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS. Instead, he acknowledged it would be petty to continue to wash his hands of our bedroom arbor, and the mature response in marriage is to help one another bear our burdens… even the burdens we didn’t pick. 
6. He asked for forgiveness.
7. He demonstrated his knowledge that it may take a while for me to believe and accept his apology, greeting me daily with “I’m sorry” instead of “good morning,” which, frankly, is always a wise move before I’ve had coffee because a) he won’t necessarily know yet how he wronged me in my dreams AGAIN, and b) I’m the tiniest bit grouchy upon waking and an apology will undoubtedly soothe me better than the unseemly and jarring cheer he usually heaps upon my head.
There you have it, friends. How to apologize to your wife when you’ve wronged her in her dreams. Greg is masterful at it, and I’m glad you have his sincere*, heartfelt** example to follow.
* and ** — because I’m POSITIVE he meant every word

P.S. My apology to Greg will arrive sometime in the Spring and will resemble the following.

It’s not pretty. It’s just true.

P.P.S. One of my very, very favorite things to do is hang out with members of our incredible, worldwide community and offer rest and respite from our regular lives. I would LOVE to have you join me. Our next retreat is in MARCH at the Oregon Coast — a PERFECT time for a break after the craziness of the holiday season.

{Also, more info soon on our July Food and Wine Retreat in ITALY!} 

Click here for general retreat information. Or, if you want to head straight to the registration pages, you can register via my farm website, CAIRNS FARM:

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3 responses to “How to Apologize to Your Wife When You’ve Wronged Her in Her Dreams”

  1. Reading these, in order and back-to-back (because I’m still trying to get the annual Christmas letter mailed — yes, the same letter I wrote two weeks ago), well, I can’t decide if I really want to remember my dreams but I feel much better about the times I’ve awoken angry at my husband.
    I would happily trade you birthdays because early January is a terrible time for a birthday and I love October (except when it snows).
    Greg is a keeper.

  2. Thank you for sharing your thoughts – I so often find myself thinking about what you’ve said!

    And – I loved your teakettle so much that when my 20 year old Russell Hobbs expired, I bought myself one just like it. And I named my kettle Betty, after your stove.

  3. Beth you are amazing and never fail to make me laugh.
    It’s 60 today (January! In NY!! O_o And the apocalypse is surely upon us but I will bask in the sunshine and wait for the implosion of the planet. Or the sun. or however that’s going to happen. I don’t care, it’s WARM. And there’s SUN!)

    So today, it is spring. I hope you have some spring days in your winter, too, to brighten your days the way you do for so many others with your humor.

    Keep on keepin’ on!

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