I’m popping up and down from the kitchen table while I’m writing this, trying to keep Family Pizza Night on track, so we’ll see how this goes.
Today is officially Day #37 of Quarantine. They say it takes three weeks to form a habit. I don’t know who “They” are, but it’s one of those things that’s accepted wisdom like don’t go outside in the winter without your coat on lest you catch a cold — things that are verifiably, conclusively false, but things we say and believe regardless. So I suppose it’s not surprising that I feel on some level like I should be used to this by now — less bewildered, more settled, further along on Quarantine Adjustment, coming to terms with the uncertainty — but I’m not.
Today is officially Day #37 of Quarantine, and while there are changes in me — I check the news every hour, say, instead of every 15 minutes or 5 minutes or 1 minute like I did mid-March — I’m still as back and forth, as up and down, as calm and anxious, as adrift and anchored, as in it for the long haul and ready for it to end as I was at Day #1.
Today is officially Day #37 of Quarantine, and I still feel like I’m suspended…
Checked the pizza. Sprinkled on the cheese. Popped it back in the oven.
Today is officially Day #37 of Quarantine, and I still feel like I’m suspended midair. Like I’m caught in that moment when you draw breath to speak, but before the words come out. Like I’m between one step and the next, foot raised and off balance and falling forward, but not striking the earth yet. Not making any real progress. I’m all Gathered Momentum but no Execution. All Potential but no Follow Through. Not because I don’t wish to move forward, but because there’s no where to go yet. Nowhere to land. The next step hasn’t materialized yet. This is the Waiting Place.
Kids: Mom, when is dinner going to be ready?
Me: First pizza in ten minutes?
I don’t actually know. I’m just guessing. It feels like that with everything right now. No certainties. All guesswork. People depending on my answers, anyway.
Today is officially Day #37 of Quarantine, and we’re in the Waiting Place, but I’m starting to make guesses because I need Some Sort of Plan and my kids need one, too, so my guess is that we’ll be doing this #StayHome gig for the rest of the spring and at least the beginning of summer, and maybe off and on and off and on for months after that.
Pizza #1 — just cheese — is out of the oven.
Pizza #2 is in. I put turkey bacon on Pizza #2; it was in the fridge, and its Use By date is today. It will either make Pizza #2 a hit or no one will like it and I’ll get lots of feedback to Never Do That Again. I regularly try to sneak things into my family’s food. I’d say I get away with it maybe half the time. That’s a good enough batting average to keep doing it.
Today is officially Day #37 of Quarantine, and I’m just throwing stuff together. “Hey! Turkey bacon on pizza! Sounds better than throwing it away!” And also, “Hey! Let’s tear up the backyard lawn for an inflatable above ground pool!” Do I think either of these are good ideas? I DON’T KNOW. I mean, PROBABLY. Maybe? Hopefully? Will Turkey Bacon Pizza and a Pool-ish Place to Hang Out make Sheltering Together kinder and funner? ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT. Also, is funner a word? NO, BUT THERE ARE NO RULES ANYMORE.
One of the children just slammed a door upstairs, so things are already funner around here.
OH, AND THERE IT GOES AGAIN NOW. A double slam!
The slammer descended the stairs to let me know I put too much cheese on the cheese pizza and I cooked it too long. Then he took 4 pieces. I only nodded my head in sympathy at How Terrible It Must Be to Have a Mother So Inept at Making Pizza from Scratch During a Goddamn Pandemic which I believe officially qualifies me for sainthood. YES? Yes.
Today is officially Day #37 of Quarantine, and there are No Rules Anymore, and I am Trying to Do Good, Fun Things and Build Happy Memories, and I’m learning that partly means Keeping My Mouth Shut so I don’t Say Things I’ll Regret.
Pizza #2 is out of the oven, and Pizza #3 — the Pan Pizza for the Grown-ups — is in the oven.
Two more children have acquired pizza for themselves and the turkey bacon pizza is a success. 🙌🏼
I’ll take the win.
Today is officially Day #37 of Quarantine, Diary, and I honestly thought I’d be further along on Quarantine Adjustment by now, but I’m not. Instead, I’m suspended in the Waiting Place and trying to make Some Sort of Plan and trying, also, to do kind and fun things but not always getting credit for the effort.
The Door Slammer reappeared in the kitchen.
He’s sorry for what he said about the pizza — it was good, after all — but he was hangry, and he was upset about something his friend said in an online game, and he thinks he’s just anxious in general right now, and he said thank you for making dinner. All that unprompted.
I said it’s OK, and thank you for the apology, and I get it, and we’re all a little off right now.
So today is officially Day #37 of Quarantine, Diary, and I suppose I thought ALL OF US would be further along on Quarantine Adjustment by now, but we’re not. I need to remember we’re all suspended in the Waiting Place together, and we’re all trying to make plans, and we’re all trying to be kind but not always getting credit for the effort. Me. Greg. The kids. All of us.
For now, though, I’m going to grab a piece of pizza — and probably a beer — and let the rest go.