12 May 2020 — The COVID Diaries: Staying Sane in a Time That’s Not

 

Dear Diary,

This is Hazel.

She’s the one in the middle, bookended by my dogs, Zoey and Nyx.

I found Hazel on my porch today, just sitting like a good girl, patiently waiting to be let in so she could play with her friends.

Hazel, of course, wasn’t supposed to come over.

Hazel was supposed to stay home.

Hazel was self-isolating with her family, nine houses away from mine.

But Hazel snapped today.

Hazel lost it.

Hazel was all NOPE! NO MORE QUARANTINE FOR ME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. IF ANYONE NEEDS ME, I’LL BE AT THE WOOLSEYS. OVER AND OUT.

Then Hazel used a tiny rock hammer and spent 19 years digging a hole from her cell to the Outside, which she cleverly hid behind a poster of Raquel Welch, and no one knew she was gone until roll call the next day. 

Except minus the escape scene from Shawshank Redemption. The rest is pretty accurate, though.

And I think a lot of us feel like Hazel right now. 

Like we’re willing to dig under a fence and run down the street in the rain and sit on a friend’s porch ‘til she lets us in for treats and playtime.

For now, though,  since that’s not possible, we’ll just have to live vicariously through Hazel. 

She broke free for ALL OF US.

What a good girl.

With love,

 

 

 

P.S. Other than the Hazel Event — a VISITOR! Inside my HOUSE! — I made a new chore chart today. 

‘Cause that’s what passes for excitement around here these days. Dog visits and chore charts. 

P.P.S. The chicken I thawed for dinner tonight didn’t thaw so we’re having goldfish crackers and ice cream, and now I’m wondering why I tried to thaw chicken in the first place since the dinner I’m having is equally delicious and a lot less work.

P.P.P.S. I also don’t really want to dig my way out of my house yet. I like my new schedule. I just want us to collectively figure out a way to break out of the pandemic. Can we do that, please? Who has a rock hammer?  

ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
5 comments
  1. I am completely smitten with Hazel. And your chore chart. I too spend time on chore charts every few months…with mixed success. The one chore my teen does without prompting from us or whining from her is taking the garbage/recycling/yard debris stuff out on garbage night. I guess because it’s clear to her what the purpose is, and why there’s a deadline.

  2. I chiseled out and visited my grandloves. The guilt dissipated as soon as I got my first hugs. Back to SIP now with good memories and a full heart.

  3. Hazel ROCKS! Truly Man’s best friend. They get us. ♥ My excitement is reading about your excitement, so yeah. Fret not, no judging here.

  4. Go get ’em, Hazel! lol

    Doolittle ate a sammich yesterday. A WHOLE SANDWICH. I’m doing a happy dance. From her first wretched night home tossing up because oxi is the devil’s painkiller, to eating almost a full meal, in just a few days?? This is amazing.
    She is in her room now, watching music videos on her phone, and singing.
    Life is good.

  5. Hazel is my spirit animal!!

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