There’s a Dead Bird in My Bed: The COVID Diaries

Dear Diary,

Does it mean something nefarious if you end 2020 by waking up to a dead bird in your bed?

Like, if the morning gifts you a deceased flying creature, is that a portent of things to come? Is it a severed horse head, a la The Godfather? A harbinger of dread? 

Or is simply an acknowledgement, like the universe is saying, “Yep. 2020 WAS SOMETHING, amirite? HERE’S A DEAD BIRD TO COMMEMORATE IT. YOU’RE WELCOME.” 

Please LMK. I feel like I’m on a need-to-know around here. 





P.S. Gregory believes the dead bird is neither a warning nor a nod from the universe. He believes a dead bird in bed is a natural consequence of putting our bed in the living room

He says when you give the animals direct access from the outside to our bed, this is what happens.

He says when you put our bed in the main thoroughfare, such things became inevitable.

I say Greg is out of touch with messages from the universe. 

P.P.S. The universe put other things in our bed this year, as well.

It occurs to me, belatedly, the universe may just be effing with me. If so, well played, universe. Well played.

P.P.P.S. Speaking of things in beds, if you ever wonder if your children will stop crawling in bed with you, the answer is no. 


No, they will not. And they will bring their giant, muddy 80 pound puppy with them. 

P.P.P.P.S. Seven people and three dogs and two cats and one dead bird is a lot of creatures in one house. I am wildly grateful. ALSO, BEING STUCK INSIDE TOGETHER IN WINTER IN A PANDEMIC WITH BIG PERSONALITIES IS A SPECIAL TREAT. I would provide a full account of all the arguments we’ve had this week, but I can’t count that high. Just know we’re fighting about Critically Important Things like Who Stole My Pen, and No Really Someone Took It, and Who Would Steal a Pen That’saStupidThingtoSteal, and Oh Yeah?WellYour Face Is StuPid.

So, you know. That’s how it’s going.

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11 responses to “There’s a Dead Bird in My Bed: The COVID Diaries”

  1. Dead birds, uprooted plants or no–you have the most beautiful house. I wish you could come over to mine and make it as pretty as yours!

  2. That puppy grew up fast! Cute jammies (did the missing child get a set of his own as well?) and I’m impressed you all still like each other. I got nothing to say about the bird, other than I would blame the cats. We blame the cat all the time around my house. (The dog always got the blame for bad smells, though.)

  3. OK Beth, you’re probably not going to believe this, but about an hour after I read this post, I went upstairs to shower. My puppy followed me in and jumped on my bed. About 10 seconds later she jumped off my bed WITH A DEAD BIRD in her mouth. I AM NOT kidding. WHAT IS HAPPENING??? Is this a sign from Bird World about the last stage of the apocalypse??

  4. If 2020 didn’t end on a weird note, it would be oddly disappointing. So a dead bird seems a fitting way to wake up on the last day of this year. We woke up (late) to rain and cold and gray plus children on screens and behavior issues that need to be addressed and a house that looks like a bomb went off. Basically, another 2020 day. May next year be a bit brighter! Also, I’m so impressed you were able to do matching pajamas and a photo shoot. That’s incredible mama work this year. Also, all of your kids are alive, and you haven’t thrown anyone out the window or run away to Tahiti and left them to fend for themselves, so there’s a win, too.
    On a side note, where did you get your desk in the bedroom?! I love it.

  5. Let’s face it, you are a secret Martha Stewart. Matching Christmas flannel PJs for 8 people?! That is some serious organisation.

  6. My first thought after reading this was, “she is freaking awesome!”. ❤️

    It’s usually just husband and three cats in bed with me (and occasionally they bring me a mousie after howling the whole way upstairs – not dead, toy. Oh, and cats not husband) but I really love it when my youngest (21) climbs in.

    Happy 2021!

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