Kitten Watch Update: June 2

Quasar says, “Good morning.” It sounds like, “FEED ME, FEED ME, FEED ME.” But he means “good morning.” Maybe.

Listen, friends. It is VERY IMPORTANT TO USE OUR TIME WISELY. All the experts agree. Early birds and worms and all that. Which I bring up because, in a much-prolonged process due to the After Times, my daughter is FINALLY having a WEDDING where there will be PEOPLE who breathe (outdoor) air near each other. After postponing for a year and wishing and dreaming about when this day might become real, the event is in 17 days, so, as you can imagine, there is much to be done. Seating arrangements, set-up plans, schedules, lists, supplies, orders of ceremony, purchasing food, hemming dresses, cleaning the house for (vaccinated) visitors, etc., etc., etc., and on into infinity. There is NO TIME TO LOSE, in other words. There are more than enough tasks to fill every minute. We’ve entered the MUST FOCUS phase.

And that is why I asked Greg to build a catio for me. A playground for the kitty mamas and the babies to get fresh air. A classy addition to my office so they’ll have more room to roam. BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND PRIORITIZATION and TIME MANAGEMENT.

Built from exquisitely sourced materials because QUALITY AND STYLE ARE EVERYTHING, friends, we used only the finest used chain link panels and roofed the structure in a compellingly bold blue-and-brown tarp colour palette, bringing the whole creation together with bits of frayed nylon string and faded orange rope. It really adds a WOW factor to my backyard JUST IN TIME to have folks over for a formal event.

And I know this whole post sounds like bragging, but if you’ve been around this online space at all, you know how seriously I take my role as an aspirational leader. How important it is to me to Set a Flawless Example. How critical it is that I be a Role Model for High Standards and Exceptional Taste. Frankly, I give and I give. You’re welcome.

P.S. None of this is stressing my daughter out. She is FINE when I answer all her texts about coffee supplies and cupcake quantities with pics of kittens and msgs like “LOOK AT DAT WITTLE FACE.” It’s working out swimmingly. Everyone is very zen about my Hail Mary approach to this once-in-a-lifetime event, so, you know, FOLLOW ME FOR MORE LIFE HACKS. I am here to inspire.

The Tinies continue to grow, and I am very proud of their soft, round bellies. Honestly, I wish we could all feel about our bellies like I do about the Tinies’. They are perfect vessels for processing energy, expanding and contracting and expanding and contracting, little furnaces diligently supplying us with life. How strange that we’re not enamored with our bellies the way we are with our hearts and lungs and brains and limbs. How strange that we don’t adore these engines that sustain us.

I’m continuing to supplement the Tinies’ feedings during the day, and I give them alone time with Leap when the opportunity presents itself. To be honest, though, they’re doing an excellent job holding their own with the Bigs. I mean, sure, the Bigs win every time in a slap fight, but the Tinies are wily and squirm under the Bigs, stealthy, acrobatic boob thieves, swiping all milk that hasn’t been locked down. Eyes schmeyes. Who needs open eyes? With mission impossible skills like these, eyes are overrated.

Name Update:

OK, so we named the Q kittens together—physicists and physics-related nicknames. And we named the L kittens together—time travelers and cosmos-related nicknames. And we inherited the Tinies’ names from the shelter—Knapweed and Pigweed—because we want them to grow like weeds.

The ONLY PROBLEM is that my brain has renamed the weed babies, and I cannot for the life of me remember to call them Knapweed and Pigweed. I’ve tried. I’ve failed. I’m going to accept my failure and move on.

See, my thinking is this: the Tinies are the weed sisters. And weed is called Mary Jane. Therefore, according to the Transitive Property of Kitten Naming, the Tinies’ names are Mary and Jane. If A=B and B=C, then A=C. It’s math, and math is the foundation of the universe. 🤷🏻‍♀️ There is nothing I can do, friends. I don’t make the rules.

To recap, the names of the whole, entire family are as follows:

Quantum (mommy sister cat #1))
Leap (mommy sister cat #2)
Sir Isaac Quark Newton
Marie Radia Qurie
Erwin freQuency Schrödinger
Galileo Quasar Galilei
Helen Qubit Quinn
EQUAM Quicksilver 😇
Sam Leo Beckett
The Doctor Lyra o’Gallifrey
Allison Alula Hargreeves
Meg Lynx Murray
Claire de Lune Fraser
Chickweed 😇

The end.

Pictured L to R: Jane, Mary, Lynx


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