Kitten Watch Update: June 27

Sometimes we like to pose for glamour shots, positioning our hands just so and gazing thoughtfully into the distance.

Today’s models: Quasar and Lynx

Oh My Gawd. Is there anything on this earth cuter than a big, clumsy, flailing-armed, hyper brother trying to be calm and quiet to give his baby sister sweet kisses?? Someone hold me. 😭😍

Quark and Mary. A brother/sister love affair. ❤️

Sometimes I fight for words to describe what Anxiety is like. The best I ever manage is a snippet. A snapshot. It’s like sinking in a bottomless ocean and holding up a cup of water so you can see what’s pulling me down. I’m trying to see signs sooner these days but, of course, part of the fun of a Broken Brain is that it doesn’t always give you logic or reason when it’s falling apart. Still, I’m trying. I’m trying to notice when I begin the shift from swimming to sinking. I’m trying to notice the hitch in my breath. The slight slip under the surface. The heft and heave it takes to rise enough for air. For years, I haven’t talked about the initial slips because I don’t want to be dramatic. I don’t want to worry anyone. I don’t want to cause a scene over nothing. “It’s nothing,” I tell myself, or, “I have it under control.” Which is silly, isn’t it? We know both pain and disease are best managed early—best treated at the first sign of symptoms. But I wait. I hold it in. I suck it up. At least I’ve learned to holler when it’s Really Bad. I mean, that’s Something. But I’m trying to shift to hollering earlier. Squeaking, maybe. Being less rigid about containing and controlling the madness. More willing to let the crazy leak. For some of us (hola, Enneagram 8s) that’s harder than others. But if we want to be Well—if we want to be Sane and able to Pursue Joy—we must learn. Le sigh. Growth is hard.

Days are OK right now. Anxiety is there, but it’s tamped down. Nights are turning rough. I’m working on making healthy choices. I’m working on trusting the light and resting in the dark. It’s a hard balance. But I’m trying.

I thought it was kind of Alula to give us a visual. Anxiety during the day, lying in wait vs. Anxiety at night, no subtlety AT ALL. Lord love a duck. If Anxiety was adorable, this is what she’d look like.

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