beth woolsey

mess maker • magic finder • rule breaker • kindness monger


beth equals boss


I’m Beth.

I’m a writer, a reader, and a laugh-out-louder. I’m a truth-teller, a swearer, and a kindness monger; I’m mouthy and broken and strong and brave, usually all at the same time. I rarely know what I’m doing, but I’m learning that’s not a prerequisite for this magical, messy life.

I’m also a mother of five. I never planned to be a mother of five. Not ever. Greg and I were going to have two kids. Maybe three. But life is funny and things don’t always go according to plan. That’s OK; plans are for reasonable people and it turns out we’re totally ridiculous.

This picture, for example? I’m in a chicken coop. Standing in chicken poop. Which exemplifies our life, really, because we can kind of pull off looking like we’ve got it together, but we’re also ankle deep in crap.

The trick is learning to find the magic in the mess and the wonder in the wild. If that’s what you’re looking for — weird truth-telling, a whole lot of laughing through the muck, and an entire Village of like-minded friends, you’ve come to the right place.

Ultimately, I’m here for you: to provide the comic relief, the grimy truth, and the sweet reality of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan. 

Because if life can’t be easy, at least it’s awesome.

You know, eventually.

Welcome to the mess!

P.S. This blog used to be all about parenting our five kids — Five Kids Is A Lot Of Kids, friends — but only ostensibly. In reality, it was always about learning to live fully and authentically, even when life throws stuff at you you never saw coming. That said, many posts revolve around Abby, Ian, Aden, Cai and Cael; the first adopted (turns out, fraudulently ) from Vietnam at 9 weeks, the next two (who experience disability) adopted from Guatemala at 3 years and 15 months respectively, and the final two, our biological twins, created in a moment of weakness. I blame Cai and Cael’s matchy-matchy twin-names on lack of sufficient prep time and the fact that I choke under pressure. And that’s it. Just the 5 kids.

P.P.S. If you’re new, WELCOME. You can always begin reading with these favorites. And if you’re curious why people read here, these are some of the unreasonably kind things people had to say:

  • You capture the mom experience with all its pathos and humor!
  • After reading your blog, I feel like I’ve just had a good laugh with a girlfriend.
  • I read this blog because it makes me feel like I’m not alone. I appreciate your complete honesty on topics that I’d probably lie about!
  • Because kids basically have a knack for making us question our sanity. And it’s great to know we’re not completely wrong at this parenting thing; and if we are, we’re not the only ones! We’re in great company.
  • Your blog is hysterical, and I relate to it so much that sometimes it feels like you’re writing about me.
  • You are authentic and genuine; you share things that a lot of moms deal with but just don’t admit or talk about. You have a fresh approach and optimistic look at life and it is refreshing.
  • It is comedic and real. I’m not a mom, but I often find connections to my own life in your stories.
  • I love your blog! It usually makes me laugh. I love that you can find such great humor in the craziness of raising 5 kids. And it makes me feel less alone when my kids do crazy things. Oh, and it makes me feel even more grateful we stopped at 3.
  • I greatly enjoy the tone of your posts, and the “message” that you constantly are putting forth, which I would describe as “Family, it’s why we’re here.”
  • I’m your dad… and Mom makes me. 

No matter how you ended up here, I’m glad to have you along on this often-bumpy, always-entertaining journey.

P.P.P.S. The very best way to stay up to date around here is to join my email list. We’ll be in direct communication, and you’ll receive content like “The Day I Peed My Office” — a story exclusive to email. Scroll to the bottom of this page for details.


114 responses to “ABOUT”

  1. Hi Beth,
    I’ve been following you for years and always wanted to try your Easy-peasy Homemade Cinnamon Rolls. Today was the day and I’m kicking myself for waiting so long. They are easy! And delicious!
    But I had to write to tell you that in true Beth Woolsey style, mayhem ensued during the process! As I washed my hands from spreading the butter, I looked out at the back yard squirrels running everywhere. All of a sudden, one popped up in front of me inside the screened porch! While I didn’t need to get the Superman sticker out of the mixing bowl, I did need to chase a squirrel out of the porch and patch up the hole in the screen with cardboard and pink skull and crossbones duct tape from our craft supplies!
    Thanks for sharing your ideas, recipes, and life in general!

  2. I’ve stumbled across your blog from a Facebook post. You have a wonderful way with words, and I am enjoying your outlook on life (from the several posts I’ve read). Thank you for sharing. 🙂

  3. I am loving your blog! I think I fell in love with you because of your ‘pooped the closet’ story. I too am a mom living out loud, anonymously though. I guess that’s not too loud, is it?! I’m doing a podcast with my sister (mouse and weens) because I’m so tired of the perfect-perfect moms and social media out there. Let’s get real, people! Real is relatable. Real is funny. Real is real-life. So there. 🙂 Congratulations on your success and keep it up!

    • I loved reading your blog. I am suspecting that I may be prego with #5 at the age of 36. Maybe I’m in denial but and ha be been taking my time to get tested. I’m worried because a baby #5 was not planned

  4. Hey there! So how did I find your blog? By searching “how to get the stank out of a teenaged boy’s room” .
    Funny stuff here! After reading the comments( your readers also have quite the sense of humor) I bought a product someone recommended. I’ll keep you posted.
    Keep up the great entertaimment!
    Mom to 4
    Mother in law to 1
    Grandma to 1 and one baking 🙂

  5. Hey There,
    I’m so pleased I somehow came across your site. I’m blessed that my life partner – the mother of our 5 kids, all C-sections – is the most remarkable person I’ve known.
    We received all the mind-numbing comments (you have your own basketball team, etc) but that stuff only made us proud and confident.
    We are now both 65 and expecting our 7th grand-child with several more in our future, I’m sure.
    BTW, we have learned that a devoted couple never outgrows being parents and, usually, I’m terribly pleased by that reality.
    Rock On Large Families! Warm regards, Dave M

  6. I know how you feel and want to thank you for your article.
    If you choose, you can contact me by e-mail.

    Ricky Jackson,

    Former NOBTS Student
    Former Celebrate Recovery Ministry Leader
    Former K-Love Radio Ambassador

  7. Really like reading your blog. You stand out from all the other thousands of mom blogs out there because of your down-to-earth, funny and totally REAL tone. I have 6 kids myself (all singles, all biological) and it’s great to have somewhere to go where I feel like someone else GETS IT.

  8. Hi Beth! I just stumbled upon your site in the Facebook rabbit hole I fell down, and I’m glad I did! I have five kids, too – and I very much appreciate your unreasonable, ridiculous people stories. Thanks for sharing your life! 🙂

  9. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS BLOG! I just came across it and I feel so much better about being pregnant with my 5th baby! It’s a complete shock and still pretty surreal that I’m adding another baby to our family…Reading your blog made me feel a million times better, and I have the “I can do this attitude!” So thank you again, I can’t wait to keep reading!

  10. I’m so looking forward to spending this Thanksgiving with you and your wonderful family and swapping some great stories; I usually spend holidays with my cats and I’ve already heard all of their tales. It’s probably a good idea to save any feculent anecdotes for after dinner in order to avoid those unpredictable and awkward gag reflexes while chowing down on dead bird and trimmings (especially the cranberry sauce — a story for another time). I’m hoping that you don’t serve tofu turkey as my religion imposes some very strict restrictions on that type of nonsense. Can I bring anything? I specialize in ice, paper plates, plastic utensils etc.

  11. Just found your blog by reading I pooped in my closet and I loved you right away. 🙂

    We have 7 kids. I call them our 7 from Heaven but sometimes I wonder. LOL

    After having 2 children by birth We did foster care for 12 years and had 65 toddlers and babies. We adopted 5. We have 3 still at home and 4 grand kids.

    Life is so full of life that laughter and truth is a must.

    I found your blog so refreshing, I’m all in. 🙂

  12. We are a family of 6 (4 beautiful boys 6, 4, 2, and 9m) and love it so much we’ve decided to add one more blessing to our lives. It’s hectic but I’ve never had so much fun and I just consider everyday a party in our house. 🙂 I too never imagined having more than 2 but here we are…and it’s crazy and awesome at the same time!

  13. I just read your blog on school and couldn’t stop laughing. I too am a mom of 5 with two Houdini dogs. Life is hectic 90% of the time and my kids can be overbearing (everyone of them), funny, miserable all in a 5 minute span but I love this crazy wonderful life God has created for me. Looking forward to your future adventures!!!!!!!!!

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