My Christmas Isn’t Going According to Plan — How You Doin’?

I have to type this fast before my kid throws up again.

I should be using my time to make cinnamon rolls since Christmas is tomorrow, but cinnamon rolls require standing, and OMG I JUST WANT TO SIT A MINUTE.

Our Christmas isn’t going according to plan.

It’s OK. Truly. I’ve been doing this parenting gig long enough that I can flex with change like a ninja. Like a superhero who can slow time to dodge machine gun fire. Like a contortionist-turned-master-thief avoiding the impenetrable grid of laser beams in the private bank vault of the nefarious (but unbelievably hot) villain. Change of plans? Yippee ki yay, mother effer. Do your worst. ...  read more

To My Pontiac Who Saved a Person I Love: Thank You for Your Service

Do you ever wonder what a car sees? The things to which a good car bears witness? 

Tiny humans moving from infant carriers to car seats to boosters.

Potty accidents and coffee spills.

Singing and laughing and playing. And screaming and tears and the quiet of grief.

Windows rolled down while the radio blasts. Ice cream drips and gummy bears that melt in the inferno of summer. ...  read more

Rebrewing Coffee: A Brief Cautionary Tale

In a grand fit of laziness or misguided frugality this morning, I decided I could rebrew my coffee grounds from yesterday. I figured tea leaves are good for more than one cup (although I feel certain there are Tea Afficionados out there who will set me straight), therefore, why not coffee?

IMPORTANT: You cannot brew coffee grounds twice.

You can’t.

Truly. ...  read more

Happy Inertia Day!

Happy Inertia Day, friends!

If you didn’t know that was a thing, SURPRISE! I invented it this very day, and I shall henceforth celebrate it whenever I can’t get off my butt to get things done.

I was inspired by literally nothing, which is what I’ve accomplished so far today. Oh, I have Stuff to Do. I have a Lengthy List. I have the Usual Chores plus all the Holiday Extras. What I seem to lack, however, is Oomph.  ...  read more

No Shame November

I’ve never participated in No Shave November. 

There are people who do. Beard-growers glory in No Shave November, and so do those eager to put away the razor and let the leg locks run wild.

Good for them, I say. Way to TAKE A BREAK from being sheared and shorn and neat and tidy. Way to say ADIEU to expectations. Way to find REST and RESPITE from the Usual, Methodical Things we think we Have to Do. ...  read more

Here’s the Sitch…

Y’all, here’s the sitch…

I’m doing too many things, and they’re all important so I won’t stop doing any of them.

Sound familiar? Yes? Yes. I figured I was in good company around here.

I was so tired last night my teeth hurt. Like, into my jaw. And my eyelids were sticky. I think it’s their cry for help. I pulled the feverish, puking kid into bed with me, kicked Greg out, and stayed up until 3am reading Spellbinder by Thea Harrison and eating a tub of chocolate macaroons I found hiding in the back of the pantry. Not the wholetub, though. I left one because moderation is important.  ...  read more

5 Ways to Celebrate World Mental Health Day

Hey! Guess what today is? 

RIGHT.

It’s World Mental Health Day.

Here are the 5 Things I’m Doing to Celebrate:

1. Breathing. Not, like, mindfully or anything. I mean, Mindful Breathing is AWESOME. An excellent discipline to practice. Highly recommend. But for today, I’m simply celebrating that breath is entering my body and leaving it, over and over, like living people do, because BREATHING means I’m ALIVE which means I’ve KICKED MENTAL ILLNESS IN THE TEETH. Boom. Breathing. ...  read more