Sometimes My Naked Butt Surprises Even Me… Isn’t Really What This Post Is About

Sometimes I run away to escape my family and write, write, write. Tonight is one of those nights, so here I sit at one of my favorite local spots — reopened after a fire — drinking an IPA, which I’ve recently come to enjoy because, I assume, 2016-Present has numbed me to bitterness and I can swallow more than I did before. 

The folks next to me at the bar are talking about the Sicilian mafia, how many bottles of wine fit in the sink of an RV (consensus = five), and their abiding desire for more bread, and I’m trying to decide what point is appropriate to introduce myself as their new best friend. Meanwhile, the bartender is alternating between describing ube, a purple yam from Southeast Asia, and decrying the state of the beer taps which are too full of air and dispensing too much foam this evening. I want to be all, “THE BEER IS DOING THE BEST IT CAN, MAN. LET’S GIVE IT SOME CREDIT FOR TRYING IN THE MIDST OF CHALLENGING TIMES,” but I might be projecting the tiniest bit, so I decided to leave the bartender alone.   ...  read more

My Christmas Isn’t Going According to Plan — How You Doin’?

I have to type this fast before my kid throws up again.

I should be using my time to make cinnamon rolls since Christmas is tomorrow, but cinnamon rolls require standing, and OMG I JUST WANT TO SIT A MINUTE.

Our Christmas isn’t going according to plan.

It’s OK. Truly. I’ve been doing this parenting gig long enough that I can flex with change like a ninja. Like a superhero who can slow time to dodge machine gun fire. Like a contortionist-turned-master-thief avoiding the impenetrable grid of laser beams in the private bank vault of the nefarious (but unbelievably hot) villain. Change of plans? Yippee ki yay, mother effer. Do your worst. ...  read more

To My Pontiac Who Saved a Person I Love: Thank You for Your Service

Do you ever wonder what a car sees? The things to which a good car bears witness? 

Tiny humans moving from infant carriers to car seats to boosters.

Potty accidents and coffee spills.

Singing and laughing and playing. And screaming and tears and the quiet of grief.

Windows rolled down while the radio blasts. Ice cream drips and gummy bears that melt in the inferno of summer. ...  read more

The Midterms and the Lost Art of Waiting

  TODAY’S GOAL: DO NOT LOSE MY GD MIND ON ELECTION DAY. UNA PROBLEMA: I AM ME. 🙄   ENTER: My friend, Doreen, who’s one of the raddest people I know because… a) She’s FIERY. b) She’s good times. c) She listens to humans like they’re really wise and really wonderful and INHERENTLY WORTH hearing, especially children, so I’d like to elect her President of the Universe, please. STAT.  d) She’s the inventor of My Favorite Shirt of All Time which reads, “only i can prevent narcissism.” 😂 TRUE TRUTH, folks.     And, last but not least…   e) She helps lead the way toward better self-care during these Crazy Times, and I NEED THAT BAD about now. You probably do, too, so Doreen’s agreed to let me share this with you. THANK GOODNESS. And thanks, Doreen.   Waving, friends, always,          

The Midterms and the Lost Art of Waiting: Why Re-Learning How to Wait Can Help Us Stay Sane as We Wait for Results ...  read more

No Shame November

I’ve never participated in No Shave November. 

There are people who do. Beard-growers glory in No Shave November, and so do those eager to put away the razor and let the leg locks run wild.

Good for them, I say. Way to TAKE A BREAK from being sheared and shorn and neat and tidy. Way to say ADIEU to expectations. Way to find REST and RESPITE from the Usual, Methodical Things we think we Have to Do. ...  read more

Here’s the Sitch…

Y’all, here’s the sitch…

I’m doing too many things, and they’re all important so I won’t stop doing any of them.

Sound familiar? Yes? Yes. I figured I was in good company around here.

I was so tired last night my teeth hurt. Like, into my jaw. And my eyelids were sticky. I think it’s their cry for help. I pulled the feverish, puking kid into bed with me, kicked Greg out, and stayed up until 3am reading Spellbinder by Thea Harrison and eating a tub of chocolate macaroons I found hiding in the back of the pantry. Not the wholetub, though. I left one because moderation is important.  ...  read more