by Beth Woolsey -

UPDATED: The Directly Proportional Law of Housekeeping

Not to toot my own horn, but I’m making important contributions to science. Discoveries as profound as Newton’s Law of Gravity, really. A couple of years ago, for example, my work focused on  the Transitive Property of Parenting. This year, I discovered the Directly Proportional Law of Housekeeping.

The Directly Proportional Law of Housekeeping
The clean areas of one’s house are directly proportional to the dirty areas, such that cleaning anywhere is futile because of the immediate, opposite effect somewhere nearby. ...  read more

by Beth Woolsey -

What’s in plants?

What’s in plants, Mom? 

It wasn’t an unusual question coming from the science-minded six-year-old. He wants to know how everything works right now. Ever-y-thing. And all the episodes of Myth Busters feed the fire, friends.

Just yesterday, for example, my kid couldn’t move on with life until he received an acceptable explanation for Pluto’s declassification as a planet. Since it was a snow day and Greg was working from home, I sent Boy Wonder to the parent who, well, cares. ...  read more

by Beth Woolsey -

It’s National Intention Deficit Disorder Awareness Week! (I meant to tell you sooner.)

Last week, I mentioned on Facebook that my husband believes he suffers from Intention Deficit Disorder.

Greg just told me he has Intention Deficit Disorder.

Now, if we discover that Intention Deficit Disorder runs in our family, that would explain a LOT of things, you guys. Like the filth. And most of the squalor.

(We intend to clean our house. I swear we do!) ...  read more

by Beth Woolsey -

Happy New KidYear!

Happy New KidYear!
or
A Lesson in Creative Mathematics
or
How to Make Myself Feel Better about My Truly Ridiculous Schedule 

My first five years as a parent, I parented one child. And having Just One Child was easy the same way that assembling and baking a pie while suspended upside-down from a 200-foot-tall bridge is easy.* By which I mean, I spent most of my time making a hot, delicious mess while muttering to myself, “What the… ?” and “How the… ?” and “Someone help me. I’m WAY too dizzy to be responsible for this.” And I spent the rest of the time shouting, “The view from here is AWESOME.” ...  read more

by Beth Woolsey -

Sucking on a Stick of Gross with a Heaping Side of Disgusting (or, Mmm! Dinner!)

For years, I’ve had a strict, no-complaints-at-dinnertime rule. If my kids don’t like dinner, they may say, “Thank you, Mom, for making dinner,” and that is all they may say.

It’s a good, sturdy, sensible-shoes kind of rule, ’cause nothing’s quite so demoralizing as slaving over dinner only to hear a wee little, high-pitched voice say, eloquently, “Eeeeeeeewwwww!” ...  read more

by Beth Woolsey -

The Transitive Property of Parenting

This conversation between my cousin and his kid just happened at my dinner table:

My cousin:  Do you want ketchup?
The kid:  Yes.
My cousin:  Do you want ketchup?
The kid:  Yes.
My cousin:  Do you want ketchup?
The kid:  Yes.
My cousin:  Do you want ketchup?
The kid:  Yes.
My cousin:  Do you want ketchup?
The kid:  Yes, PLEASE.

My cousin to me:  The key to effective parenting is repetition. ...  read more

by Beth Woolsey -

On the Importance of Taxidermy

“I plan on recruiting a commune,” my husband said reassuringly.

Oddly, I didn’t feel reassured.

Blogging has provided an unanticipated opportunity to get to know the inner workings of my husband’s mind.  Now, I’ll be honest; Greg’s mind terrifies me.  So much so that I don’t often go there.

I prefer to stay in the vicinity of Greg’s heart.  It’s warm and welcoming, and it doesn’t scare me.  I know exactly where his heart is; Greg’s priorities are solidly with me, our kids, our family, and our community.  He’s a man of faith and conviction.  He has unshakeable beliefs and morals (which are often irritating, since I wander around wondering, doubting, changing my convictions and generally blathering, but that’s neither here nor there.)  Greg’s heart is a safe place. ...  read more