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Schmornings
Some people say I’m not a morning person.
I think that’s mean.
For example, my father says I’m not a morning person.
When I was a well-behaved, polite, considerate and thoughtful teenager living under my parents’ roof, my dad used to wake me in the morning. He might say he drew the short stick, but I say that’s a gross misrepresentation of my joyful morning personality.
Also, my father used beat me. Sure, it wasn’t … Continue Reading “Schmornings”
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Happy Mothers Day
For Mothers Day, I got a kid with stitches. Right on his little 4-year-old forehead, a neat little zipper line of bravado, which he proudly sported.
I’ll tell you more about the stitches this week, but for today and always, the most important part of that introduction is: “For Mothers Day, I got a kid.”
At this time, 14 years ago, I was recovering from my third miscarriage. I was bereft. Empty.
I wondered if … Continue Reading “Happy Mothers Day”
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Green Eggs and Suspension
Oh, Aden.
Oh, dear, sweet Aden.
Oh, dear, sweet, suspended-from-school-because-you-just-can’t-stop-hitting-kids Aden.
[Sidenote: The problem with blogging is that there are no sound effects. Please sing the Darth Vader theme now. Dun dun dun, du du dun, du du dun… aaaaannnnddd cue James Earl Jones’ voice. (I’m getting a kick out of imagining you sitting at your computer channeling your deep, Vader voice.)]
Once upon a time,
a long, long time ago,
in the ancient … Continue Reading “Green Eggs and Suspension”
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FAQ and Other Stuff I Shouldn’t Say
FYI, I say “FYI” a lot.
You know. FYI. Meaning “for your information.”
I was talking to my 12-year-old one day, and she mimicked me by saying, “FYI, Mom, I want a laptop.”
And I responded, “F your I, Abby, you’re not getting one.”
F your I, I’m a parenting genius.
Sometimes I have conversations with myself as though I’m more than one person. They go like this:
Self #1: Don’t ever say, “F … Continue Reading “FAQ and Other Stuff I Shouldn’t Say”