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To My Coma Friend
We sat on her queen bed in her yellow room with the bay windows looking over the forested hill when we made our pact. I was in my pajamas and she were in hers, and we neither looked nor smelled good, with our hair piled on our heads, day-old mascara adorning our faces, and early morning dragon breath about…
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The Fastest, Easiest, Juiciest Turkey-Cooking Method is Spatchcocking. Because Jesus Loves Us.
I read an article in The New York Times on how to roast a turkey in 45 minutes. FORTY FIVE MINUTES, friends, to cook a 12+ pound bird. Not only that, but this method results in tastier, juicier, more evenly cooked meat with crisper skin. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have time to…
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Why Science is Bad for Children
“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT.” That was my 3rd grader, friends, this morning at the front door, prostrate on the threadbare entry rug that desperately needs replacing but won’t get it anytime soon. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT.” That was my 3rd grader after the dogs, bless their hearts, knocked him…
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When You’re Better At Stuff Than Your Kids
It’s hard sometimes being a mama and being, well, better at stuff than your kids. You know? Like, they want to be good at stuff right now, and you don’t want to discourage them, and they say stuff like, “I’m a really good draw-er, right, Mom? As good as you, right?” with their earnest scribbles, and, “I…