Rebrewing Coffee: A Brief Cautionary Tale

In a grand fit of laziness or misguided frugality this morning, I decided I could rebrew my coffee grounds from yesterday. I figured tea leaves are good for more than one cup (although I feel certain there are Tea Afficionados out there who will set me straight), therefore, why not coffee?

IMPORTANT: You cannot brew coffee grounds twice.

You can’t.

Truly. ...  read more

I haven’t pooped my closet for, like, a really long time. Greg gave me a trophy. In other words, Greg + Beth 4Ever. True Love Always.

Folks, if you have a partner to flirt with, might I recommend you take a page out of Greg’s book and gift your significant other a personalized trophy?

Look, no one on Planet Earth doesn’t want to be recognized for their fine work. Or, without the double negative, All the People want to know they’re doing a good job. Yes? Yes. Of course, yes. Which is why a trophy is the perfect medium for appreciation. It’s an award. It’s a forever keepsake. And, personalized appropriately, it shows how well the giver knows you. How deeply you’re seen. How well you’re understood and valued. ...  read more

NEW HOTLINE for Your Questions: How to Microwave a 25 Pound Turkey

If you read How to Microwave a 25 Pound Turkey and found the directions helpful but insufficiently detailed — or helpful, but, now that you’ve tried it, you’ve run into some unforeseen difficulties — you’re not alone. I hear you, friends. I see the profound need as we prepare for Gluttony Day here in America. We are a community, and we care about each other! And that’s why we’ve set up this New Hotline — right here in the comments section — to address any specific needs you may have. ...  read more

How to Microwave a 25 Pound Turkey

My 20yo texted me from college this morning, asking how long to microwave a 25 pound turkey. In case anyone else needs to know, here are the directions

How to Microwave a 25 Pound Turkey ...  read more

Stuff Under My Couch: A Cautionary Tale of Doom and Despair

I moved my couch last week, which is always a big mistake. Huge, really. And in retrospect, I can think of no worthy justification. Just literally none.

I mean, moving it for a party so more people will fit? It seems like a good reason to displace furniture, but now that I know what sort of dust and allergens, biohazards and malice I’ve stirred up, I really should’ve just let traffic flow suffer. Let people trip over the couch arms. Risk folks being trapped in the living room with no good exit strategy. But I failed to conduct the proper cost/benefit analysis for Couch Moving, even though I have excellent raw data that show the precarious predicament we always face.  ...  read more

The Midterms and the Lost Art of Waiting

  TODAY’S GOAL: DO NOT LOSE MY GD MIND ON ELECTION DAY. UNA PROBLEMA: I AM ME. 🙄   ENTER: My friend, Doreen, who’s one of the raddest people I know because… a) She’s FIERY. b) She’s good times. c) She listens to humans like they’re really wise and really wonderful and INHERENTLY WORTH hearing, especially children, so I’d like to elect her President of the Universe, please. STAT.  d) She’s the inventor of My Favorite Shirt of All Time which reads, “only i can prevent narcissism.” 😂 TRUE TRUTH, folks.     And, last but not least…   e) She helps lead the way toward better self-care during these Crazy Times, and I NEED THAT BAD about now. You probably do, too, so Doreen’s agreed to let me share this with you. THANK GOODNESS. And thanks, Doreen.   Waving, friends, always,          

The Midterms and the Lost Art of Waiting: Why Re-Learning How to Wait Can Help Us Stay Sane as We Wait for Results ...  read more

No Shame November

I’ve never participated in No Shave November. 

There are people who do. Beard-growers glory in No Shave November, and so do those eager to put away the razor and let the leg locks run wild.

Good for them, I say. Way to TAKE A BREAK from being sheared and shorn and neat and tidy. Way to say ADIEU to expectations. Way to find REST and RESPITE from the Usual, Methodical Things we think we Have to Do. ...  read more